That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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