Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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