Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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