now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
50% drunk capacity currently
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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