I like my sex mixed with concussions.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
