...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
