I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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