im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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