if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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