FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
