I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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