Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just pynch a tree in the face
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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