When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
