i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize