I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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