You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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