I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize