I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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