Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
