you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
