the condom got lost in my hair
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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