i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
