im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom