Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.