Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself