Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

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(714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality. http://tfl.nu/yabq

Replies (10) Good night (875) Bad night (1125)
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(773): View more from Illinois

im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me

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(773): im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me http://tfl.nu/r5gz

Replies (14) Good night (896) Bad night (4550)
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(623): View more from Arizona

I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.

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(623): I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit. http://tfl.nu/pl0y

Replies (15) Good night (5153) Bad night (695)
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(940): View more from Texas

He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.

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(940): He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter. http://tfl.nu/rjmj

Replies (10) Good night (4452) Bad night (1215)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.

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(413): It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back. http://tfl.nu/936t

Replies (14) Good night (1360) Bad night (2447)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt

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(402): Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt http://tfl.nu/efn4

Replies (7) Good night (2262) Bad night (1263)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.

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(304): He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex. http://tfl.nu/68r0

Replies (17) Good night (2599) Bad night (565)
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(530): View more from California

So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"

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(530): So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU" http://tfl.nu/a6ng

Replies (5) Good night (1377) Bad night (523)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.

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(225): You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness. http://tfl.nu/h6eg

Replies (5) Good night (498) Bad night (1000)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.

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(843): Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance. http://tfl.nu/j1w6

Replies (12) Good night (1030) Bad night (486)
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(914): View more from New York

When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.

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(914): When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked. http://tfl.nu/4q7m

Replies (5) Good night (2205) Bad night (436)
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(907): View more from Alaska

So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"

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(907): So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!" http://tfl.nu/9w9p

Replies (0) Good night (1023) Bad night (293)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy

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(215): i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy http://tfl.nu/9sod

Replies (2) Good night (561) Bad night (304)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?

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(603): What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway? http://tfl.nu/5x4t

Replies (1) Good night (289) Bad night (527)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.

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(847): Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/69qo

Replies (0) Good night (718) Bad night (305)

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