I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't put those talents on a resume
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.