do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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