All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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