I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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