I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
