Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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