Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
