i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
