He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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