I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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