he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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