if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
