I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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