Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
