Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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