Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
