phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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