Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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