I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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