I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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