I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
