I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to cum in my sink.
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