A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.