...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.