My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.