no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.