when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So vagazzling was a success
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...