so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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