haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
