My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
