nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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