Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
