I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There's even glitter on my cock...
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