Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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