If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
