thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
