I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
