New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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