Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
