if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize