____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
