I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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