my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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