I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
