hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
