I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
