I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
