drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
