My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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