she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
