A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
