I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
