how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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