I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
