Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
