Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun