well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
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There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?