Texts From Last Night

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

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  (304): remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night? http://tfl.nu/z8ke
  Replies (22) Good night (8724) Bad night (1092)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.

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  (541): plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college. http://tfl.nu/eor0
  Replies (158) Good night (1109) Bad night (7288)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low

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  (615): He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low http://tfl.nu/d44y
  Replies (14) Good night (1125) Bad night (5771)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

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  (256): My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred. http://tfl.nu/j0t5
  Replies (18) Good night (3933) Bad night (1041)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon

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  (416): i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon http://tfl.nu/v68b
  Replies (3) Good night (2228) Bad night (885)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober

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  (224): Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober http://tfl.nu/war3
  Replies (15) Good night (2200) Bad night (845)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.

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  (330): ...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again. http://tfl.nu/4ubg
  Replies (10) Good night (929) Bad night (2322)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting

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  (660): i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting http://tfl.nu/v176
  Replies (12) Good night (1329) Bad night (3446)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

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  (336): The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge http://tfl.nu/ygw7
  Replies (15) Good night (2831) Bad night (573)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...

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  (248): Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower... http://tfl.nu/43yc
  Replies (16) Good night (531) Bad night (2130)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..

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  (336): I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain.. http://tfl.nu/5env
  Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (665)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex

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  (574): how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex http://tfl.nu/ior9
  Replies (3) Good night (834) Bad night (936)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.

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  (972): I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight. http://tfl.nu/5kki
  Replies (7) Good night (304) Bad night (784)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"

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  (630): At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!" http://tfl.nu/yo6b
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (242)
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  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"

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  (445): she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too" http://tfl.nu/r5oy
  Replies (2) Good night (107) Bad night (211)

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