I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.