My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
