Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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  (515): does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine http://tfl.nu/uuy6
  Replies (2) Good night (1231) Bad night (615)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.

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  (580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy. http://tfl.nu/gb3d
  Replies (33) Good night (4617) Bad night (740)
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  (408): View more from California

  she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.

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  (408): she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night. http://tfl.nu/jplo
  Replies (16) Good night (759) Bad night (3679)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.

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  (616): margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label. http://tfl.nu/4zf6
  Replies (10) Good night (1000) Bad night (4262)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

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  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (26032) Bad night (1421)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.

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  (254): I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me. http://tfl.nu/dyjh
  Replies (8) Good night (3596) Bad night (1031)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles

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  (816): My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles http://tfl.nu/kz93
  Replies (21) Good night (844) Bad night (2978)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.

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  (647): bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope. http://tfl.nu/udjt
  Replies (3) Good night (1146) Bad night (686)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"

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  (432): dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds" http://tfl.nu/wwid
  Replies (14) Good night (852) Bad night (1913)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?

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  (334): Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex? http://tfl.nu/rvvc
  Replies (23) Good night (1728) Bad night (902)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.

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  (423): hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT. http://tfl.nu/qhme
  Replies (5) Good night (1775) Bad night (432)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.

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  (806): Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment. http://tfl.nu/1xps
  Replies (7) Good night (894) Bad night (331)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once

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  (631): Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once http://tfl.nu/b35p
  Replies (8) Good night (737) Bad night (365)
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  (415): View more from California

  I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?

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  (415): I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms? http://tfl.nu/krzn
  Replies (1) Good night (842) Bad night (260)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!

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  (718): I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO! http://tfl.nu/huwu
  Replies (4) Good night (475) Bad night (353)

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