we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
