He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
