You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
