Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize