he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
