The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
