as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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